Global Warming: A “Sort of” Tongue-In-Cheek Guide to Keeping One’s Mouth Shut

If you can’t even name and draw the configuration of the simple gases that come out of your own body, and explain how they are formed, then you are NOT qualified to argue the legitimacy of global warming. If the word “fart” is all that comes to mind then you don’t have a place in the conversation.

If you think photosynthesis refers to a digital photo printing process, step out of the debate.

If you have no concept of geologic time and believe the Jurassic Period is a reference to Steven Spielberg’s now defunct amusement park in Tennessee…oh, wait, that’s Dollywood, and it’s still open. Anyway, you get my point. Do us all a favor and push back from the table of the global warming discussion.

If you think “mean” and “mode” contribute to road rage emotions, and “median” only refers to where you might end up when the nut case runs you off the road, then you know nothing about statistics. Find another smorgasbord to fill your opinionated plate while standing on your shaky soapbox.

I’m smart enough to leave my car’s engine to a qualified mechanic. Don’t leave the enormously important issue of global warming to people like an 81-year-old career politician from Oklahoma who was a so-so businessman and is now the chair of the United States Senate Committee on Environment and Public Works. He has a Bachelor of ARTS and refers to global warming as a “hoax.” Does “fart” come to mind again, preceded by “old?” He shouldn’t have a place at the table either.

Or a presidential candidate who believes global warming is “bullshit,” “created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.” He is probably single-handedly responsible for the hole in the ozone layer from CFCs in hairspray can propellants. And he is likely unfamiliar with the difference between chlorofluorocarbons and “cash for clunkers,” otherwise known as Trump University.

We don’t have to be as smart as rocket scientists to leave the argument of global warming to folks as smart as rocket scientists. Good news: There are environmental “rocket scientists!” And if they haven’t been funded, or paid off, by a “Monsanto-esque” company, we might all benefit from listening to their wisdom.

Humor aside, science is real, people! Leave it to the chorus of environmentalists who are saying global warming is here, rather than the ensemble of politicians who make it a habit of singing that same old song that is apparently all you want to hear.

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